No, I can't teach you "how to Domme"

I have a confession. I enjoy reading people's inner selves. The self they try to hide, whether intentionally or unintentional, consciously or not. Watching the muppets as a child, My favorite character was the wise old Trash Heap, because She just knew. I find Myself in a similar position. I talk to people and I get a read. Dominant, submissive, little, Big, etc. I've never been wrong. The Oracle.

A common misconception is that all D-types need to be on the giving end of a scene. Top and Dominant are very different creatures. The Dominant is the one running the scene, and the Top is the one doing the act. To clarify, a Dominant can instruct a submissive to perform acts, therefore the "service top" role. A Dominant who uses service tops is no less Dominant, even though they aren't actively "topping".

The world of kink is no stranger to misunderstandings. Many people think they can just learn to be "more Dommy" or "more submissive". In reality, being Domme or sub is really just a part of your innate self, your inner creature yearning to come out. If you aren't a sub at heart, no amount of "teaching" or "training" will ever change that. Just like no amount of "training" will make you any less poly, or any less femme, or less gay. These are elements of *you* and are rooted deep in your psyche.

I can, however, teach you how to let your inner Dominatrix come out to play. I can show you how to set up a scene, how to play with emotions, and how to ensure the toys are put back together after we break them into quivering puddles of goo. I can teach you how to bottom. I can also show you how to Top. The best places to hit, and which implements are suited for impact. I can show you how to read a body so that you know warning signs within a scene. I guess it comes down to phrasing: Be a Domme vs Act as a Domme. But even that is confusing, because I know very few Dominas who "act Dommy"!

That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with playing a part. Acting a role. Putting on the leathers and strutting around in your thigh-high boots. Acting like a Domme. There's also absolutely nothing wrong with biting your tongue and letting a trusted Top cuff your hands to the bedpost, or strap you into a predicament then laugh at your plight. Act the role. Play the part. Enjoy the moment. Kink can be a wonderful, therapeutic, invigorating, and cathartic experience if you give yourself over completely. Embrace the Power Exchange.

So yes. I will teach you to Top. To set the scene. To play to your kinky heart's content as safely as possible. Embrace your inner self. Love your inner self. Dommes and subs are no better or worse than each other, they just are, and that is a beautiful thing!

Minimal Office


Miss Kelicious is an author, lifestyle Domina, Professional Dominatrix and relationship/life coach currently located in Calgary, Alberta. Polyamorous, kinky and queer, Miss K is an author, educator and facilitator.

Her kink skills have been honed across North America through workshops, Mentorships and personal training by many well-known Dominatrices and Masters. She seeks excellence in all She does, and favors the edgier side of play.

Born poly, it took a few relationships to tease out society's training of who you "should be" to arrive at who She Is. Skills learned at the feet of masters in Energy Healing, therapists, educators and communication specialists, if you open yourself to Her, you will succeed.

Identifying as Non-Binary Femme, pronouns are She/Her or They/Them.