Know your kink: Service

Some days, it is too hot to brain. Calgary's amazing record-breaking heatwave is kicking My ass, and I am NOT a masochist. My writing brain is fuzzy, so I'm reposting past writing from ages long gone. This is musings from a few decades ago on "Service" as it applies in a Lifestyle BDSM dynamic.


What do you mean when you offer to serve? What do you mean when you offer to BE of service? What do mean when you offer yourself in servitude? Do the answers to these questions bring up visions of you being bound helplessly while being exquisitely tortured, teased to the verge of orgasm? Do you envision some Amazon Goddess sporting a huge strap-on taking you anally? Do you envision yourself prancing around in some French Maid Costume and being asked to provide oral service to a Mistress? Do you envision some woman squatting over your helplessly bound body "forcing" you to serve her orally? Or do you envision being put over her knee and spanked like a naughty little boy? Yes, nice visions aren't they? However, not one of those visions is the definition of "serve", "service" or "servitude". Oh, I'm sure many subs consider them to be just that, but if you check your dictionaries you won't find any mention of French Maid Costumes, bondage, strap-ons, oral sex, or any other fetish you may enjoy. In fact, you won't find any mention of fetishes at all in the definitions.

Serve is defined as:

  1. to work for, be a servant;

  2. to act in a specific capacity;

  3. to place food before, wait on;

  4. to be of assistance to.

Service is defined as:

  1. the occupation or duties of a servant;

  2. the act or means of serving;

  3. duties performed as an occupation.

Servitude is defined as: Submission to a master; slavery.

When you offer to serve a FemDomme, what you are offering (or should be offering) is the surrender of your control. You should know her well enough to trust her with your life. When you offer your servitude to Her, you are telling Her that you trust Her judgment, you* trust* Her to keep you safe from harm, you trust Her to know what is best for both of you, you trust Her decisions and desire to follow Her orders and obey Her in all things. Your offer of service is your ability to let go of your ego and your free will (control) and allow Her to control you.

Serving is, first and foremost, the act of making her life easier. It is compliance with all her desires, wishes, and orders. Yes, BD/SM and fetish play, more than likely, will be included as part of the relationship. But overall, the D/s aspect of the relationship will be where you have turned your control over to Her and you do as She says. It is about pampering Her and catering to Her. Everyday life will be a part of this, for most people do have to work, bills do have to be paid, people need to see doctors occasionally, and dentists. Then there are family get-togethers, family emergencies, social gatherings with vanilla friends and also with D/s friends. For the most part, life will seem pretty vanilla, but there will be one difference.

IF you have truly submitted, then your actions will be measured by how your Mistress would feel about it. Your decisions will be based upon what you are allowed, or not allowed to decide without Her permission. You will treat others with respect, but especially other women. You will consider that your actions would reflect back upon your Mistress, and therefore act in a manner that would make Her proud of you. There may be other constant reminders, she may insist you wear panties under your clothes at work or perform daily Devotionals to Her. But you will always remember that you have submitted to her and will honor that commitment.

How can you serve your Mistress? Here are some suggestions:

  • Make sure Her home is clean and neat.

  • Make sure Her clothes are clean and neat.

  • Prepare Her favorite foods for her.

  • Prepare Her bath.

  • Rub Her feet after She comes in from working all day.

  • Offer Her a massage if Her day was very stressful.

  • Offer to do Her manicure and pedicure.

  • Have Her favorite music playing or find Her favorite show or movie on TV.

  • Surprise Her with flowers.

  • Serve Her coffee as soon as She gets up in the morning.

These are just a few of the ways you can serve Her once you have been trained in what She wants and likes. Don't be afraid to use your imagination to surprise Her (provided of course that She has no problem with you doing this occasionally).

A happy, contented, pleased, relaxed woman is a woman who will then have no problem torturing you, using you, or even indulging you with a fetish or two that are your favorites…………just to show you how much She really appreciates your service and submission to Her. So, what are you offering? Personal service only (oral, massage, bathing)? Play sessions only (spankings, facesitting, strap-on, whippings, cbt)? Domestic service only (household chores, errands)? OR are you offering the whole package? These are the things you need to be clear about in your own mind first and foremost before approaching a Mistress and offering to "serve" Her. Along with how committed you wish to be to the D/s relationship, if at all.

Minimal Office


Miss Kelicious is an author, lifestyle Domina, Professional Dominatrix and relationship/life coach currently located in Calgary, Alberta. Polyamorous, kinky and queer, Miss K is an author, educator and facilitator.

Her kink skills have been honed across North America through workshops, Mentorships and personal training by many well-known Dominatrices and Masters. She seeks excellence in all She does, and favors the edgier side of play.

Born poly, it took a few relationships to tease out society's training of who you "should be" to arrive at who She Is. Skills learned at the feet of masters in Energy Healing, therapists, educators and communication specialists, if you open yourself to Her, you will succeed.

Identifying as Non-Binary Femme, pronouns are She/Her or They/Them.