Dommes aren't perfect. We're just Goddesses

Forgive me a moment while I do some introspective. This has been a week.



A few days ago I was informed about a degenerative condition affecting my sacroiliac joints. Basically, walking, standing or sitting hurts, and will likely progress more as time goes on. I've been dealing with a "flareup" in back pain from an old injury, but I was looking forward to coming back out of the pain and doing extended play scenes again. It takes a hot second to come to terms with that not being true.

As a Domme, we are often expected to be "on" all the time. People have this image of the polished, perfect, latex-clad fetish model, and this is so far from reality it is laughable! I have never been the fetish-model style of Domina, but I have always found pride in My level of edge play and extreme kink. Figuring out My "new normal" and how to make that work is an effort.

A friend of mine in her 70s had a hard time relocating to Southern Alberta. One time, upon entering a play party, I heard someone say "who invited grandma?". This lovely lady was no more or less a Domme than the young 20-something lady dressed in latex catsuit and a mask was, although Her experience might mean she was, in fact, very much more. Her hands would occasionally shake, and She was no longer able to handle the precision of intense CBT, instead I would send Her pictures of Her cbtslave's cock in the most lovely of poses. I have great respect for Her and Her skills. She would sit in her chair and knit during My play parties, with the knitting needles often acting as props when She spoke fondly of a nicely seated set of balls getting nice and purple, ripe for a flick!


My pig norman summerton is also well into his 70s, dealing with society's view of the elderly as frail, helpless and expressly vanilla. It (pig's pronouns are 'it') often laments about the hopelessness of a single, childless elder whom society expects to just sit and wait for death. A constant battle of the mind being eager to get its kink on, while the body fails miserably in that task. It will often say "BDSM is for the young and able." While I firmly believe that BDSM is for everybody, and every person has an inalienable right to ethically get their kink on, society tends to look at the less-than-healthy as undeserving of kink. Of happiness.


With My diagnosis indicating I must rest from standing, sitting, or walking every hour by relieving all pressure on My sacroiliac joints (in other words, lay flat on my back), I am faced with the fear that My condition may limit My partners. The more seasoned examples all seem to struggle with partners who view disabilities, age, etc as disqualifiers. Luckily, the types of play I do afford numerous breaks ("you just stay like that for an hour and don't move!"). But I now have the stigma of *needing* the breaks, of them being for me, and not for the sake of the scene. I am no less "Domme" this week than I was last.


At what point does the societal majority determine you are "too old/broken" to play? And why does it even matter? Kink is a part of who we are. It is our core self. It defines us, drives us, and shapes our lives. It does not abandon us when our ability shifts, but instead emboldens us to find new ways to sate ourselves. To truly "be". Empowers us to find new ways to meet that inner desire, that burning within. Go, My friends. Be your true, kinky selves.

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aboutMiss

Miss Kelicious is an author, lifestyle Domina, Professional Dominatrix and relationship/life coach currently located in Calgary, Alberta. Polyamorous, kinky and queer, Miss K is an author, educator and facilitator.

Her kink skills have been honed across North America through workshops, Mentorships and personal training by many well-known Dominatrices and Masters. She seeks excellence in all She does, and favors the edgier side of play.

Born poly, it took a few relationships to tease out society's training of who you "should be" to arrive at who She Is. Skills learned at the feet of masters in Energy Healing, therapists, educators and communication specialists, if you open yourself to Her, you will succeed.

Identifying as Non-Binary Femme, pronouns are She/Her or They/Them.